And so it Ends

 All good things must come to an end. All bad things too. Also all mediocre things. Basically, everything has a finite lifespan.

My career as a New York City educator has been all of those. There were times when it was wonderful, horrible and meh. Those times, however, are just about over. This blog post is a series of reflections and recollections so it might be a bit long. I’ll try to keep it light … or at least mix in more light than heavy.

My path to my current position has been circuitous. I have 2 degrees in biology and none in administration or education yet here I am, 35 years out of college, having taught and administrated for three decades.

I’ve worked as a lab assistant, a classroom teacher, a test coordinator, an administrator, and a supervisor, sometimes all at the same time.

I’ve had colleagues (and students!) give birth and pass away.

I’ve run after school programs and worked Saturdays. 

I’ve seen the best and the worst that this school system has to offer. I try to focus on the best, but it is the worst that is causing me to retire now instead of later.

The New York City public school system serves roughly one million children. The support system that is the theoretical backbone of this system is broken. With every new Mayor comes new initiatives. The old ones are either entirely dismantled or deprived of resources and left to wither. New programs are started without regard to existing programs that already do what the new program is designed to do.

Schools are bombarded with the idea of the day to implement in their classrooms, without regard to yesterday’s idea, on which they are still working.

My favorite example happened many years ago when I was tasked with attending the monthly meetings for the coordinators of English Language Learners. (These students are currently known as Multi Language Learners, MLLs, or English as a New Language students, ENLs.) 

The first meeting I attended was great. I learned a lot about how their corner of the DOE worked and had my eyes opened to many things. The second meeting was also great. We were introduced to a specific theory of instruction and shown how this model could be implemented in our schools. Then we were asked to figure out how we would do it ourselves. I was all in. I brought the concept home and our school dove in and adopted this as a major strategy in all of our classrooms. Then I went to the next meeting, and the next … and so on and so on.

In each subsequent meeting we were introduced to a new philosophy of education for ELLs and asked how we would implement it.

Now remember, my school and I wholeheartedly bought into the first strategy so we were not looking for another. We had purchased books and sent teachers to off site training. Why were we being asked how we would implement the next five programs? How many programs can a school run for one set of students? (No sarcastic answers, please, I probably have them all on the tip of my tongue.)

Wash, rinse, repeat. This is how my 30 years have gone. One initiative after another without giving the first one enough time to prove itself. Mandates from the city, state and federal levels, some of them contradictory.

Meetings upon meetings without meaning.

Another year I was given the responsibility of supervising physical education (yes, gym). I took it seriously and set out to learn all I could about effective p.e. instruction. I learned from my own staff and from more senior p.e. supervisors. And, I attended monthly meetings. Unlike the ELL meetings, the p.e. meetings taught me little that I had not already learned on my own. These meetings were painful. The person who ran them would tell endless tales about himself, repeating the stories over and over each month. When I called him on it after the 5th month of this I was told “not everyone has been here before.” Yup, he was retelling these pointless stories about himself because he thought he had a new audience (he didn’t, it was the same group from all the other meetings). I was told that if I didn’t like it, I could leave. I did just that and never returned. Later I apologized to my principal for opening my mouth and getting thrown out of the meeting. She, fortunately, laughed.

Do I know how to fix it? Nope. And, I admit, I am tired of fighting it. I am tired of being told that we have to do it “this” way. That my way, though more efficient and logical, is now how they want it done. I am tired of people building careers on the backs of our city’s children and breaking the backs of our educators.

The system is broken and, before you tell me that it is my responsibility to try to fix it, stop. I’ve tried. I’ve tried, my colleagues have tried, my husband has quite literally fought city hall.

Long gone are those days when I played school with my friends. When I created “worksheets” of math problems for my dolls. When I saved copies of old biology tests for “when I became a teacher,” and then later, actually, for the next year’s class.

In the rearview mirror are the days of budgeting with “units” instead of dollars (yes this was a thing in NYC and it kind of made sense, of paper report cards and cardboard train passes. The Delany card (almost exclusively a NYC thing) has been replaced by electronic attendance systems and does anyone even use chalk any more?

The dreams have been broken but I am emerging whole with a desire to do good things but, in another space. Time for the next chapter.

Comments are encouraged! I would love to hear your thoughts on these issues and how you are dealing with them in your part of the world! Comment here or email me at squid.knits@gmail.com.