Saga of the Squirrel Bird

The new windows in school are great! They have more glass per square inch and less sashing overall. They are also relatively clean. It is this vast expanse of clean glass that led to a recent problem in the library.

***

Happily, I was minding my own business, and harassing young people about dress code, when I was hailed by a student. "Mrs. Squid, Ms. X needs you right now. There's a bird in the library."

I glance at the kid and think to myself "what am I supposed to do about it?"

Entering the library, I look around and see no sign of a bird. From past experience I know that they do tend to leave signs once trapped in a room. No such items greeted me here.

Having located Ms. X, I am guided to the bird. It is hovering at the top of a window, trying to get out.

At this point I must interrupt this tale to explain that the Library is an open space two stories in height with windows that start about 6 feet off the ground and go all the way up the the ceiling 20 or more feet above their start. They are big. And, they do not open from the top but rather open in the middle. This leaves the bottom and top rows of window panes solidly in place and immovable.


Not 2 feet below the bird is an open window. He cannot, however, seem to find it.

I calmly assess the situation and reach for a window pole. What I intend to do with this item is beyond me. Poking the bird seems to be a good idea. If I poke it, maybe it will fly elsewhere and discover the half dozen open windows in the room.

Hmm ... it's too high. Let's climb on a desk. Ah, much better. Poke. Poke.

At this point you must imagine the bird getting annoyed and flying off. To the top of another window. Across the room.

Off I traipse after it with a few young people in tow. Up on another table I repeat the poking.

Flit -- off to another window he goes. All of a sudden the bird sees a passing flock of ... you guessed it ... birds. He tries to join them but the window glass gets in the way. Poor bird.

Move another desk.

Poke. Poke.

Flit.

Wait! Is there another window pole in the room? Yes? If one person pokes the bird, the other can try to direct it to an open window.

Sounds good to us.

Poke. Poke.

Stupid bird flies to the one window in the room that lacks the ability to open.

Move another desk.

Poke. Poke.

The bird falls. Awww ...

Young man hoists himself up on to the window ledge and grabs the bird. Umm ... how is he going to get down with a bird in his hands?

Second young man hops up on the table and grabs the bird, first young man lowers himself to the floor and takes the bird from the second young man shouting "close all the windows."

Um ... 90 degree day ... nope, not going to happen.

First young man shows the bird around and makes a hasty exit from the back door to the sidewalk below. He looks around a bit and decides that it is too close to the school. Running off, he finally releases the bird into a nearby city park.

You can't make this stuff up.