Saturday, November 24, 2007


Because I know that I did not share certain things in an earlier post, I feel I must clarify why I am upset.

I understand the requirements and why they exist. My issues are 1. that this particular twist to the attendance requirement was not explained either verbally or in writing. 2. That the number of services that fill the requirement is very limited since they are not every weekend and run only from September to mid-May and tend to not be on long weekends or secular holidays. That, in itself, has to be a concession to some issue that arose in earlier years. If we had known about the twist, we would have knocked two of the five out earlier in the year. But, instead, we gave in to our inner-sloths and stayed home one of the two Saturdays because I was sick and we thought we had time.

Originally, this was not an onerous requirement as we rarely go out of town and had no standing commitments on Saturdays. Our kids do not participate in sports, so there is never any conflict like that. The music opportunity was unexpected, and the additional qualification for the special program with-in it was even more unexpected. All of a sudden, the service requirement was difficult, but not too tricky since we do not go away for vacations or long weekends. Then we found out that these same weekends are usually without the specific type of service that we need to attend. Now we are looking at having to pull her out of up to 3 rehearsals in a program with 18 remaining sessions. She's willing to miss one or, maybe, two. So again, we are talking about some sort of work around for maybe two of the five. She will go to the two immediately preceding her own which makes sense as the format will be fresh in her memory after a summer of nothing.

My other issue is that we cannot get a hold of the b'nai mitzvah schedule so that we can figure out which rehearsals she will miss. Right now, all of this is happening in my head so anything is possible. Next week should see some resolution. Hey, we are willing to do lots of other stuff. She will do the "high honors" program because, frankly, it is far too easy not to do. She's already fulfilled something like 8 of the 15 requirements and has blown away the community service requirement, for both regular requirements and high honors, with her participation in the monthly knitting program.

I do not disagree with the policy, I just wish it had been made clearer when we had our orientation in September. Had we known then, we would have acted appropriately at the time and would not, now, be in this pickle.


Penny said...

I agree with you. It is not very nice to say that the requirements are for a certain *type* of service ... months after first made aware of the fact, and then only verbally.

That makes no sense to me and does not seem to be (blanking on the right words) one leading to b'nei mitzvot.

If given this scenario, I would much rather choose a smaller service where I'd learn what it's really *about* instead of one with insanity that is a bar/bat mitzvah with extra relatives and stress running around. I think I should be to ONE which would let me know what it's like, but not ALL. Anyway, I digress ;)

I have much more to say, but please know that there are {hugs} all around.

CygKnit said...

I agree with you, too! I didn't mean to sound criticizing in my previous comment, only to explain my initial point of view and how much your situation had shifted my mindset.

It is very irresponsible of them to change the rules mid-year and not letting you know is just wrong. In essence, they are pulling a kind of power struggle on you, as they have something you need and are making you dance for it. That is wrong in any context, but most especially in one where children are forming opinions of their religion that will last a lifetime.

There is something to be learned in every type of service. Shame on them for not recognizing that. Good luck with your appeal.

Susan said...

What a mess!! I can certainly understand 'requirements' but I wouldn't think you needed to be clairvoyant in order to meet them. I do so hope that you can come up with a comfortable solution. Hugs for all of you!