Judgement

 Why do we constantly judge others? What makes us feel that we can be the arbiters of right and wrong when it comes to how others behave? Why do we jump to conclusions with regards to the behavior of others?

(Charoset made with hard cider instead of wine)

I’ve been pondering the question of judging others for a few weeks now. Personally, I judge others for being judgy. Yup, I think that it is not right to judge others for their personal choices. Do I do it? Yes. Am I trying to keep my judginess to myself? Also yes. But if I disagree with someone who is being judgy in my presence then I am more apt to speak up then when I was younger.

For example, when Mike and I were traveling home from our recent trip to Atlanta, GA, I saw a couple with five bags between them and immediately jumped to the conclusion that they were going to try to sneak the extra on with them as carry on items, hence taking space from the rest of us who were just following the rules. (All judgements were kept within the confines of my own brain and are only just entering the world through this blog post.) Then I heard them say “which bag should we check.”  D’oh! (Later on I witnessed someone on our flight bringing 3 bags on. I kept my mouth shut, I still had room for my stuff.)

I have friends who have made different parenting decisions than I have. Were their decisions wrong and mine right? Yes. Their decisions were wrong for me and right for them. (Had you for a moment, didn’t I?)

Over the years I have felt myself to be judged by others and found wanting. As I grow up I am trying to care less about it but a lifetime of reacting to other people’s verbalized and implied judgements has had an impact and shaped who I am today. I am far more tentative and judgemental of myself, seeing my decisions reflected in the eyes of others. Or at least what I think they think.

We are all different and we all operate in our own unique worlds. Worlds that overlap with each other but still, our own worlds. Let us respect each other and try not to be so judgy. At least not out loud.

Thoughts? (Yes, I am asking for your judgements.)

On Forgiveness

Today I was asked for forgiveness. Not for actions taken against me directly, but rather for not standing up for or at least alerting me to the actions of another.

I left the meeting with the answer (essentially) "what's past is past."

It wasn't a straight forward answer but neither was the request straight forward.

Have I forgiven?

Was there anything to forgive?

It's one of those philosophical issues where I'm just not sure. The person acted in what they felt was their own best interest. I tend to be more altruistic in my actions, even if they cost me.

Can everyone be like me? No.

Can I expect everyone to do as I would? No

Can I teach my children and hope that they follow my example? Yes.

***

A couple of weeks ago I made a comment that basically gave someone the benefit of the doubt. My son remarked "that's my old mommy! You're willing to think the best of people again." It made me realize just how far I had sunk in such a short time.

***

I'd lost a part of myself over the last school year. I'd started seeing the bad instead of the good in people. Seeing ulterior motives everywhere. And the scary part is that they were there.

I hated that of myself.

Call me a Pollyanna. I want to believe that all people are good. Or that they at least have some good in them.

Last year I learned differently and, unfortunately, brought it home to my kids.

Yes, there are bad, and even evil, people in this world. And sometimes you will run across them. That is, however, no reason to act in kind.

I came out of these experiences a stronger person. One who I hope is even more sensitive to people. To their nuances. And to the effect my actions can have on them.

Is there a message in this all?

Only if you think there is.