Thursday, November 02, 2006

Drive by post

Hi guys, I am wiped out due to a series of late nights and have to stay up late again tonight to pretend to be the Tooth Fairy for Squidette. Check back tomorrow for pictures of the finished Northern Lights Mittens.

*** Addendum -- apparently my brief post angered a reader, please read the first comment for an interesting revelation. ***

*******Double addendum (addenda?) I'd appreciate some help from other parents. Seems that I'm being insulted by a Fairy! for pete's sake. Any comment type assistance you can provide would be helpful. The T.A. is also welcome to post rebuttal on the Fairy's behalf.*********


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Dear Blog Readers,

As many of you know, the so called "Myth" of my existance was blown by Mama Squid during an extended road trip this summer. It was the disorientation of being many miles from home that caused her to do it and she has since appologized profusely.

I am here to say that I am real and that where ever children lose teeth, I will find them and steal them (the teeth) away while quietly placing a monetary placeholder. The proof of my existance is in the fact that the children who believe never wake when I perform this delicate maneuver. It is only those subject to parents pretending to be me that suffer the unfortunate fate of waking while their fumble fingered elders try to emulate my deft sleight of hand.

It is to those interfering but well meaning parental units to whom I address my next words. Please, please, please, I implore you to stop getting in my way. Maintaining a myth is a difficult task made only more so by well intentioned adults who think that I am just a figment of their childhood memories. I am real and I proclaim my existance here and now. Leave well enough alone and let me do my job. You will get more sleep by not having to wait out an excited child and I will be able to perform my proper duties.

Now, you ask, how can I possibly get to all of the teeth lost every day in just one night? I reply simply "TIME ZONES!" There are only so many lost teeth per time zone and I am a fairy and can flit quickly from bedside to beside and town to town. Hey, when you think about it, my job is much easier then Santa's. No, I do not need sleep. Then there are my helpers ... Mel the Elf and the others of the Toothlist Association. (Mel, feel free to comment and prove your existance to the blogosphere.)

I am sure there is much more that I could write to prove my existance but I have teeth to take -- including one of Squidette's.


Mary the Tooth Fairy

Mel the Elf said...

Mary --

Well said. Tough to explain Time Zones to the zoneless, but you seem to have a winner here.

I've had some correspondence with the young lady, and found her to be delightful.

Hope to come upon another tooth or two of hers, so I can hello again.

Mel the Elf

KnittyOtter said...

What about cat teeth? Will Mary give me anything for those?



Devorah said...

I stand insulted by a Fairy! Fumble Fingered?! I bet she could't even knit a scarf! Interfering?! What about all those times she almost forgot to get the teeth?! Ha! I say to Mary. Ha! I repeat.

molar said...

Let us not forget about me, I have led my band of tooth pirates for many years and have quite a stash of pearly whites. While Mary's work is admirable and I would estimate her success rate at about 85-90% that leaves plenty of pearly whites for me. Sometimes I have even been beaten to the bedside by Sly Cuspid, formerly my most trustworthy henchman. One of my favorite children, in the Albany, NY area, recently left his last pearly for me and I am now scouting a new lad that I might get to before Mary. I've heard a cute little boy has recently joined us in the Boston area and has quite the adorable toothless smile, so I plan on keeping tabs on his tooth developments. Now it's back to treasure cove to drop off last night's booty.

Ahoy and keep brushing.

Molar the tooth pirate

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